Nowadays.

is it still 16th of December?? great! i don't wanna waste this day.
can i talk?? i really need someone to talk about. is it okay if i talk here?? i guess yess, because i just realized that i have no one to talked about. this day, everything looks crystal clearer. perfect day, for being alone and dying. nothing much to do. nothing much to think about. i just feel, lonely. everything is messed up. i messed up, and i fucking messed up. i don't even finished my thesis proposal for tomorrow, i'm not even get ready for starting my monfuckingday tomorrow. seriously. it just like hell, my sorrows began. i just really need to ended this fucking shit sooner. seriously, write a blog is 100% more effective for me than make a thesis. it sucks, you being under the rule. so, here i am. procrastinator. a lazy girl with a bad habit. but it's ok for me. for now. i don't need to think much about college. i started to think that they were never think about me. lol :p
so, that was my life with my messy collage stuff. i don't even have a pen. lol :p
so, maybe today is 17 because it's 00.24 right now but i don't care, at least i started to write a day before. hehehe what a long way to write. i don't even have something to talk about. this night, so windy. so painful.
so, i'm gonna talked about my emptiness here. my mom just told me that "you don't need to hate someone who did something bad to you, or even they lied so much, cause in fact, they still be your friends, and don't ever forget about their kindness to you, they ever life in your live and help you out from your problem, they ever accompanied you when you're down, and they are... just them... let they become themselves. You don't need to be worried, they will be good forever to you, as long as you good to them." it just feel like "Something".. "something" really "something". i feel it, and i did the wrong choice. for everything. i swear to god. I'm wrong.
for the last thing, it only about choice. and also chance. chance to make it better, and choice to make it best. and i will. make it better, make it good. insya allah.
well, i'm screwing my relationship, well but it's not my fault if I am so stubborn. it was your fault to make your own mistakes. or error maybe. nah.. mistakes. i ever tried to complained about it before. so its the real mistakes. i'm screwed it, but you're just an asshole who only pointed me fucking back in every single problem. you. you made all of your story was my fault. my fucking fault. you. who tell everyone i'm a drama queen behind your castle of drama dream land. bitch!
i'm good. literary good right now. i feel better. just so you know. you're not the only one who can blame someone else. me too. me three. it's real.
as long as you and me being a motherfucking childish. i will keep this distance away. even it's hurt, for me, i dont know about you. maybe you feel better. its all right. your turn. but i will still keep this. until one day, we see a sunshine. we or only you or only me. its okay. and it's fine.